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Introduction

 

     This is one of those subjects that people can be hard to understand from a biblical perspective, and very hard to accept for many people. Since the bible can sound so harshly about it, many people choose to ignore it. It is never a good thing to ignore the scriptures. However. What do we do when such a subject goes against what we feeling inside ourselves as being extreme and even wrong? What do we do when instruction from scripture goes against everything we know about the character of God? We seem to have conflict and even contradiction. How can a loving God who is all about forgiveness, wiping the slate clean, giving a new start in life, changing the heart, restoring relationships, healing brokenness, and giving new direction on the path of righteousness - judge against people who have failed in life on their own, but turned to Him in faith for newness and healing?

 

     When we look at the scriptures, we know and cannot deny the fact that God hates divorce. This is not in question at all. Why does He hate divorce? Because He hates broken commitments; He hate broken hearts and hurting families; and He hates all damage and destruction that comes along with it, as well as the selfish, lustful, and sinful attitudes that come with it.

 

“For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.” Malachi 2:16

 

     Why does God hate divorce? It is a mistreatment of the woman that the man made a vow to. Divorce is a huge problem in our world today! It is worse today than in any century previous to this time. Although there has been a slight decrease is the percentage of marriages that end in divorce in the past several decades, the divorce rate is still around 40%. For many people divorce can appear to be normal, since they see so much of it. Then naturally, those getting divorced usually still desire a partner, so they will find someone else to live with or get married to. Since the bible has strong words about this, it becomes a topic of disagreement amongst many believers.

 

     As a holiness preacher, I understand standing on the scriptures and believing them – even when we don’t like the discomfort it may cause us. We need to be able to be convicted of sin so we can repent of them. Justifying sins in our lives can be the most dangerous and spiritually fatal things we can do. However, what do we do when something just doesn’t feel right, like it just doesn’t seem to match the character of God? We can maintain the fact that God hates divorce, but can we allow people to attend our churches and even be in ministry if they have remarried while their first spouse is still living? This is where people disagree and debates get fired up, while stating that remarriage is adultery, and to say otherwise is compromise and rejection of biblical truth spoken by Jesus and the Apostles.

 

     Since we are talking about scriptures that do speak harshly against divorce and remarriage, we need to answer the scriptures honestly, and be careful to not try to justify something they speak against. We will need to look at the scriptures to see exactly why such things were spoken, who the audience is, is there a cultural confrontation, a dealing with those of that time in history, or something more specific that Jesus and the Apostles were dealing with? There are many things to consider, which we will cover soon.

 

God’s purpose

 

     One thing that I have learned about God and His holy scriptures, is that He always has a good reason for everything He commands. He doesn’t simply say, “Don’t do that!” without a reason for the command. And most times His commands are for the good of the people He is commanding. So, we should always ask the question, why does God hate divorce, and why does He call remarriage adultery? Many times, we simply need to discover what His purpose was behind a commandment, and then we can see things in a different way completely.

 

     So many times, people will fight against other believers about something the bible commands, when they really don’t understand the heart behind the commandment. All they know is that they see a commandment in the bible, so they want to enforce it. Keeping a commandment while not understanding its purpose is like a musician playing the exact notes on a sheet of music perfectly, but without feeling the rhythm or hearing the melody. The technical execution is flawless, but the soul of the music is missing the melody. It is only when they know the melody that they can perform with excellence what the song writer composed.

 

     God doesn’t want us flying by the seat of our pants, doing what we think is right, but without any understanding of why we are doing it. When we preach to others, we need to have the assurance that we truly understand the heart of God, and that we are not just pushing something that looks and sounds right scripturally, The command to sacrifice animals to God is very biblical, yet we understand that it was fulfilled in Christ by other scriptures and is no longer a command for us today. This is a simple example of how people can feel they are following the scriptures, all while they have missed the heart of God.

 

     If we are going to understand the purpose and meaning behind the scriptures on this subject of divorce and remarriage, then we must understand the heart of God for His people. A commandment is only as strong as its purpose for us. If we keep the letter of the law, but miss the spirit of the law, then keeping the commandment may not benefit us at all, and it could do more harm to us instead. This is why the Apostle Paul warned the Jewish believers against teaching law to other believers. He warned that if they trusted too much in their own works of keep the law, then their faith in Christ could become of no effect on their eternal souls.

 

     Faith is the main thing that connects us to Christ and salvation. Obedience certainly has its part also, as the Holy Spirit transforms us and empowers us to live free from sin and to walk after Jesus in the spirit. Living a holy life is not optional, but rather we are told in Hebrews that without holiness nobody will see God and be saved. The problem comes when people add in thing’s they believe are still required of us today, and call all who don’t do such things “unsaved” because of it. Although this could be a real situation if people are not living holy and they are allowing sin to reign in their lives, if something is in a person’s past and they have repented, why then would there not be forgiveness? Can a person who has been divorced and remarried repent while remaining in a new marriage? Or would they be required to dissolve the new marriage and return to their first spouse – as many Christians believe and teach?

 

     Before we get into answering these common arguments. Let’s lay out all of the scriptures to see what they say, how they say it, why they say it, and how it applies to the Church today. I can tell you, with all truthfulness, that I fear God, and they very last thing would ever want to do is to try to twist scriptures to fit something I want to believe. Nor would I ever want to teach others that they are okay in a sin that will send them to hell! So, what we will cover I will do my best to be balanced, truthful, honest, and thorough in every way. I do not want to fight against the scriptures and commandments of God! So, let’s carefully look at what they say and why.

 

What do the scriptures say?

 

     1 Corinthians 7:10-11 KJV

[10] And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: [11] but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

    In this passage, it is used by many to teach that if a woman separates from her husband that she must remain unmarried or be reunited with her husband. The key word is “separated”, which is not divorced. If a woman is only separated from her husband, then she has no legal right to marry another man. In such a case she would be in adultery, since she would still be legally married to her first husband.

 

     In bible times, a man would have the power to decide to put away his wife. Whether a separation or a divorce, by giving her a certificate of divorce, in many cases the woman wouldn’t even have a choice to stay with him.

 

In 1 Corinthians 7:39-40 (The same chapter), Paul says, "The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. But she is happier if she so abide [single], after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God."

 

     The law was given because of the fact that men would divorce their wives for the most trivial reasons. In such a case, this could put a woman in a very difficult position, leaving them destitute and socially vulnerable. The command to keep marriages together was a protection for the woman as well as keeping the sanctity of marriage and preventing men from taking it lightly.

 

     Everything that God commands us focuses on the heart and justice of the commandments, no on legalism. The 2 greatest commandments are to love God with all that is in us, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. We need to learn what it really means to love, to keep our commitments, and to walk in obedience to God and His commands. Therefore, keeping marriage vows is important to God. It shows our love for Him and for our spouse, our children, our families, and all people who know us. We are a living example to others of that love, and we must do all we can to live it out.

 

     What if we fail?

 

     If there no hope for us if we fail? Are we forever condemned to hell if we find ourselves in a situation where we failed in a marriage, then later figured some things out and decided to try again with someone else? Can a new commitment with a determination to not allow the same thing to happen again not be enough? Are we required to return to the previously failed relationship in order to be right with God and saved from our sins?

 

     These are very critical questions that need answering. So many people today are either in adultery and should be judged as such, or they have learned a life lesson the hard way and need grace and forgiveness with a clean slate and new chance at life. Which one do you feel is the heart of God? This is the problem when I see the harsh judgments against people who have been divorced and remarried. It is not a matter of whether their divorce involved sin. Sin is destructive! If a relationship fails, sin was involved in one way or another.

 

Romans 5:20 says, “God’s law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant.”
This is not saying that sin doesn’t matter, and that grace covers us not matter how much we sin. It is saying that no matter what our sins are or even how much, grace is available to forgive us of our sins, which happens through repentance.

 

     If a marriage fails, it is assumed by many that repentance means returning to the first marriage. That is not what is meant by repentance. A marriage involves two people. It requires both people to want to reunite. In most cases of a divorce, if one wanted to reunite, the other wouldn’t want to. Reuniting is impossible in most cases. This would leave the one without hope for a future marriage or family. This is not the heart of God. God wants God honoring relationships that will not fall into destruction. Why return to what was destructive, if a good, godly, and righteous relationship with a true believer is possible for them? Obviously, if restoration is possible, that should be the first choice. However, many times that is not possible, and to judge people so harshly because of their past mistakes is not the heart of God at all.

 

     When we look at these scriptures, we need to ask ourselves, what is the true heart of God? If the judgment that seems to come from these scriptures doesn’t seem to line up with what we know about the heart of God, then we need to carefully look at them to see what we might be missing. Let’s. do that as we continue to look at those scriptures that are used against remarriage.

Romans 7:2-3 KJV

[2] For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. [3] So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.
 

     The clear message here is that if a woman were to marry another man while still being legally married to her first husband, then she is an adulterer, and the man who marries her is an adulterer also. In such a cased there was no divorce, so the married woman married another man illegally.

 

    There are different reasons given in the bible that allow divorce. And there are reasons that allow remarriage. This is the first reason that allows remarriage, which is the death of the spouse. Sexual immorality would be another reason for divorce that is acceptable to God, which Jesus said in Matthew 5:31-32 and Matthew 19:3-9. The same is mentioned in Luke and Mark.

 

     The Apostle Paul does not mention adultery as a reason for divorce, but rather hoped for restoration and taught the need to reconcile when possible. However, knowing there would be instances when people just could not accept their situations and one would decide to leave the other behind, he did acknowledge abandonment as an acceptable reason to move on without being bound to that first marriage.

 

1 Corinthians 1:15 says, “But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.”

 

     So many Christians see the scriptures about divorce and remarriage and instantly judge all who have experience it in their lives. They don’t even consider the fact that many were not Christians in their first marriage, that adultery may have been involved, or that they may had been abandoned by their spouse or forced into a divorce when they really didn’t want it. These are all biblical reasons that are acceptable for divorce. They don’t change the fact that God still hates divorce, but sometimes it can’t be avoided, since a marriage takes two people to agree. If one doesn’t want to work things out, the other is left without a choice.

 

     God doesn’t abandon His People because of their failures, but always leaves room for repentance and healing. He doesn’t demand they return to a first marriage against the will of the other, demanding they stay single the rest of their life. Paul’s command for a woman to remain single was in the case of a separation, not a divorce. And when he did teach staying single, it was usually so a person can focus on their relationship with God rather than being consumed with the responsibilities in a relationship with a spouse.

 

What about what Jesus said?

Mark 10:11-12 KJV

[11] And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. [12] And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

 

     In this context Jesus is talking about divorce. It would be dishonest to try to say otherwise. However, we need to look close at the context, reason, and purpose behind what He said to be sure we are understanding Him correctly. At first glance it does appear that He is completely condemning remarriage of anyone who has been divorced for any reason. However, we need to not only be sure about what He is addressing, but we also need to understand what He is not saying. It can be really easy to make assumptions concerning the subject and context that really isn’t there.

 

     It is clear that Jesus is calling remarriage adultery in the scriptures. What is not clear is what the situation is in which it is considered adultery. For example, Jesus Himself said, “Except in the case of sexual immorality”, clearly giving an exception to remarriage being considered adultery. He also did not call out every case of remarriage as being adultery. This would include those of the past, all that way to the days of Moses when they were given a certificate of divorce. He did not say Moses was wrong or that the divorces were not valid. Jesus was dealing with the hearts of people who found it too easy to just end a marriage they were not happy with, instead of actually working things out. Divorce was an easy out, and easy new start, without having to do the work to find healing and restoration.

 

     So, according to Jesus, a person who divorces their spouse and remarries, both in that new marriage are guilty of adultery. What they are they to do if they are guilty of adultery at this point? If they turn their lives over to Christ, is a second divorce the only way out of this adulterous situation? Should they repeat the sin of the first marriage in order to fix what they did wrong the first time? How does this make any sense? It is assumed by many people that they must end the second marriage in order to stop adultery, and then seek to reconcile with their first spouse. If that cannot happen, then they must just stay single.

 

     Imagine this: A woman is married to a man for 10 years and has 2 kids with him. They go through hardships in their marriage and one of the decides they want a divorce. They go through with the divorce and both remarry a new spouse a few years later. In their new relationships they have kids with their new spouse, starting new families, and doing well the second time around. However, they commit their lives to Christ and discover that Jesus taught that remarriage is adultery. What now? Is this really what Jesus meant? Does He really require a second divorce repeated to fix the damage of the first divorce, even though the second marriage is doing well?

 

     Think about what the children would go through if their parents decided that they must get a divorce because of what they believe the bible is teaching them to do? What kind of damage do you think this would do to a child to think that God is commanding the destruction of their family though such a divorce. How can these parents be expected to return to a first marriage, and now with children that are not from that previous spouse? Not only is the couple now leaving a marriage that was working better than the first, they are forced to return to a marriage that did not work, and they have to drag their children through this entire nightmare of being separated from a parent, and entering into a new family arrangement that was previously destructive, or just be left with one parent only while the one they are with must remain single. So, not only has this brought total devastation to the couple, it has devasted the children also, leaving the family with no hope for a future, for a loving family support system, or any joy or peace in their lives. This is a reality of what can happen. And although it is just an example, it is a real path that any family would have to go through if they did according to what so many people will insist that Jesus taught.

 

     This is not the heart of Jesus at all! Any Christian who truly knows God should know that He only wants the best for His people, and would never command them to enter into destruction on so many people in the family. This fact should be a major red flag when we look at these scriptures according to the interpretation that so many have accepted. Yes, the scriptures can appear to be saying what they assume of them. Yet knowing the character of God should tell us that we have to be missing something here. It just doesn’t fit!

 

Mark 10:6-9 KJV

[6] But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. [7] For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; [8] and they twain shall be one flesh: so, then they are no more twain, but one flesh. [9] What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

 

     Jesus was dealing with the sanctity of marriage and not treating it like choosing a pair of shoes from a store – where you can try them on and put them back if you don’t like them. Or like a buffet where you can grab whatever you want from the buffet, then if you don’t like it, you can go get something else to try. Marriage should be treated as being holy, a commitment to one person, and as something to last a lifetime. Jesus was dealing with the easy swapping of life partners like it was no big deal. It was a common practice that needed some harsh confrontations. Therefore, He likened it unto adultery. People need to take their wedding vows very seriously!

 

     The problem with attaching what Jesus said to every divorce and remarriage is that it leaves no room for grace, forgiveness, healing, deliverance, or even repentance that does not require just a change of heart and future actions, but requires returning to the past. In what way does God ever tell us that we need to return to our past now that we are saved? According to scripture, if we are in Christ, “Old things are passed away... and all things are become new” 2 Corinthians 5:17.

 

Conclusion

 

     People who want to push against remarriage so harshly will label those who disagree as being lukewarm, rejecting God’s Word, etc. This is not usually the case at all. That’s not to say that it cannot be the case. There are many people who claim to be Christians who seek to justify their sinful ways and they will not receive the truth no matter what you show them from the scriptures. Yet this is not that case here.

 

     What I am trying to get across is simply that divorce is a horrible experience that people go through, just like any life of sin can do in a person. A drug and, and alcoholic, a gangster, a whoremonger, a harlot, or people from all sorts of harsh lifestyles can come into the church and give their lives to Jesus and be transformed by Him; yet people can experience a divorce, get saved, then remarry; and they won’t be accepted in the same way, but often rejected as sinners and adulterers. Is this the heart of God at all? I can understand if a person is continuing in their sins while trying to claim salvation. These people are not trying to continue in any sexual immorality, but are only trying to get a new start in life and the chance to do things right after having failed so badly. Yet some of God’s people choose to stand against them and the work God has been doing in their lives.

 

     I have never experienced divorce or remarriage personally. I don’t even have a family member who has experienced it. Both my parents and my in-laws, and all of our grandparents all remained married until their deaths. I have seen no divorce or remarriage in our families, but only with cousins. So, I have nothing to defend for myself or family. I only care about the truth. And when something doesn’t click with the character of God. I see reason to find out why. I have given a few explanations, and I have no doubt there are more that I am unaware of.

 

     If we want to be in alignment with the character of God, then we do need to hold strong to His commandments, holiness, and obedience. We cannot allow ourselves to be weakened by the world’s ideas, and must hold to what is righteous and true even when we don’t like it. However, in situations like this. The judgment doesn’t fit His character. Not in all cases anyway. It does of course fit in the way I explained it, by dealing with a mindset of the time with easily ending a marriage. Even today. People need to be taught that ending a marriage should not be so easy, and they need to work things out. Yet condemning those who failed to do so isn’t right either.

 

     The character of God is grace, love, forgiveness and healing. And that should be our goal for all people who have gone through any hard situation in life. What can we do to prevent divorce from happening? How can we encourage couples to do better? This should be our focus rather than judging them. This is the heart of God for us and for all.